I am so sick and tired of works of fiction using hunting down Nazi war criminals as a plot point.  That war ended 68 years ago!!!  Any surviving criminals would be at LEAST in their 80’s or dead of old age!!!  What are you gonna do to them?  Take these geriatric, senile, decrepit, old guys into a UN court room and have put them on trial when the only eye witnesses to the crimes are ALSO in there 80’s or more than likely DEAD?  Plus they’re so old that you can’t put them in a prison into the general population, they need round the clock medical supervision.  All that you could really do to them is try to make them pay reparations, that is if they don’t die halfway through the trial.  Or put them under house arrest, which won’t matter, they can’t go anywhere anyways!

 

***SPOILERS***  ***SPOILERS***  ***SPOILERS***

 

Okay so our main character Lena tracks down this Nazi war criminal who is so old that he’s in a wheelchair, is covered in age spots, has so many cataracts that he’s practically blind.  Yes, quite a threatening antagonist for her to hunt down isn’t he?

 

So she starts torturing him by snapping his fingers and he screams out in pain, and NOBODY hears him yelling out.  So is everyone who works at this retirement home deaf?  Then she finds some “secret” documents that are in his desk drawer.  They can’t be too secret, because that’s a pretty crappy hiding place.  Then she demands to know why the Nazi war criminal is funding some guy’s research.  What research?  There was nothing there to indicate any research at all!  All she found was a map and some guy’s driver’s license, there was nothing on those documents mentioning any kind of research!  So he did she jump to the conclusion that there was some kind of research going on and this guy is funding it?

 

Moving on we find out that Lena is looking for some Nazi guy named Klausner, so she can kill him and then she feels that justice will be done.  Then she teams up with this physicist guy and they go into an active warzone to go find a Nazi superweapon.  Yes, I’m sure that the U.N. just lets people waltz into active warzones  and just pass right by their military checkpoints because the person said, “Oh we’re journalists,” yet they show not one piece of ID to back this up.

 

Later they run into the Nazi zombies, but instead of actually biting or clawing their victims, these zombies just club their victims to death.  Plus the zombies are wearing Nazi uniforms from the 1940’s and they are perfectly preserved.  No rips, tears, no mud, no blood, nothing.  They are in perfect condition even though they’ve been sitting on rotting corpses for almost 70 years.

 

Anyway, our two main characters meet up with a U.N. taskforce who is going in to disable the Nazi super weapon that is keeping the zombies invulnerable.  I won’t bore you with the boring parts where the movie tries to give our military red shirts some kind of character development before they are killed.  Eventually they find the weapon and Lena takes the “core” of the weapon out.  Which by the way has some scientist dangling over it like the queen alien was in AVP, only he’s apparently also a Sith Lord because he can also shoot purple lightning out of his fingers.

 

Eventually our physicist guy steals the weapon, betrays Lena and takes it to the Klausener and tries to sell it to him for like 50 million bucks or something.  Lena then calls him and tells him that he is now on her “list” and she is going to hunt him down.  What exactly is she going to do?  She could barely handle a senile, wheelchair-bound, geriatric guy.  Plus when they were in combat all she did was run away.  I’m not really sure what this little girl playing secret agent is going to do to the physicist.  I mean I see she now has a gun but I doubt she even knows how to use it.

 

***END SPOILERS***  ***END SPOILERS***  ***END SPOILERS***

 

This movie was just stupid!  The plot is dumb, the characters are uninteresting, and the ending was just lame!  If you’re looking for some zombie action, don’t waste your time your money!

1 Star

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