Here is the second book in the series “A Zombie Apocalypse” by Keith Adam Luethke that I posted to my Amazon account back in March of 2012.  It was bad, REALLY REALLY bad!  Enjoy the review but avoid the book at all costs!

The first book in this series was horrible, I mean really REALLY horrible. Reading the first book was such a horrible experience that it should be outlawed by the United Nations much like water-boarding was. Heck, now that I think about it, being water-boarded would be preferable to having to read anything in this series again.

So why did I buy the next book in the series? Well because I’m a sucker for punishment. I know you’re thinking, oh come on zombie phreak, it can’t POSSIBLY be that bad! Well let me give you an idea of how bad this is. Remember that kid in your 9th grade English class who was so eager to read his story that he wrote and the rest of the class was sitting at their desks cringing and digging their nails into their desks because the kid’s sentence structure, grammar, spelling, and over all grasp of the English language was just so HORRENDOUS that it was painful to listen to? Yeah, imagine if that that kid got it into his head that his writing was good enough to be published. That’s what reading this book is like.

So not only did the author write another book in this series, but he didn’t learn from a HUGE mistake that he made in the first book, still no page numbers. He couldn’t take five seconds to go to the settings in Microsoft Word and click the option to put page numbers on his work? That’s my first complaint about the book, but there are many more!

You honestly can’t go a SINGLE DAMN PAGE without running into a grammatical error, plot hole, or a poorly constructed sentence that makes you stop and say, “What the heck!?!”

***SPOILERS*** ***SPOILERS*** ***SPOILERS***

We have the same character as before, Rachel and her niece Brittney and they’re knocking around the southern US eating people and causing mayhem. There are a few stupid clichés that the author falls back on that are just lame as hell. Mainly the military being nothing but drunken yahoos that get their kicks by raping women, drinking booze while on duty and bossing civilians around like a bunch of schoolyard bullies. Good lord, why do writers think that THESE are the only kind of people that the US military has in its ranks? We do have a few people in our military that are actually decent human beings that actually do have a sense of duty and feel like they need to respect others and serve their country. But I guess that wouldn’t sell books now would it. Oh wait it did in World War Z by Max Brooks, After the End by Bonnie Dee and the Day by Day Armageddon by J. L. Bourne just to name a few.

So now it’s time to get down to the meat and potatoes of how horrible this book is. There are no page numbers so I can’t point out what page something happens on, so I’m going to have to use the dates in the book in order to tell you what happens at what place in the book.

Jan 9th Evening, “Like icy on a vanilla cake.” Ummm, I think you mean “Like ICING on a vanilla cake”

Jan 10th “Are bones would be broken.” Shouldn’t that be, “OUR bones would be broken?”

Jan 10th “All the houses long abandon,” Maybe that should be, “All the houses ARE long ABANDONED.”

Jan 10th “…the blast stuck him head on,” I think the author means, “…the blast STRUCK him head on.”

Jan 12th Morning, The main character comes across some clothing and takes it in order to change into later, but why in the hell would you take stiletto heels with you? If you’re going to be walking down the road and across fields and through the woods, why would you want to be wearing heels? Wouldn’t it make more sense to take a pair of sneakers instead?

“Machine gun” is CONSTANTLY misspelled, machine gun is two words, not one. If that’s not bad enough, the author makes the same mistake through the ENTIRE book!

So let me get this straight, one minute Rachael, the main character is crying because she killed a man who had a family and she’s so full of remorse because she saw a picture of him with his family and she realized she killed a family man. Then the next page she wants to set things right by killing all of humanity because humanity is unworthy of existing? How exactly does that make sense?

Jan 14th Afternoon, “Are hearts had stopped beating long ago.” I think you mean, “OUR hearts had stopped beating long ago.”

“Throws of an orgasm,” Shouldn’t that be “THROES of an orgasm?”

“We needed someone depended,” Shouldn’t that be “We needed someone dependable?”

“Get out and access the damage.” You need to get out of your car and get to the damage? Why do you need to get to the damage? Ohhh, you mean you need to ASSESS the damage. Well why didn’t you just say that?

The pink elephant that Rachel gave to Brittney in the first book just randomly shows up now and then throughout the book with very little explanation of whether or not she still has it with her. Seriously, the way this book is written it seems like one second she has it with her, then it’s gone and then it magically appears in her hand again when it’s convenient for the plot.

“We found man tucked away,” Shouldn’t that be, “We found A man tucked away?”

Jan 15th Evening “In are ears,” Should be “In OUR ears.”

Jan 16th Afternoon “And they picking him apart piece by piece,” Come on! “And they WERE picking him apart piece by piece.”

We’re only a third of the way through this garbage-fest of a book! Are you getting where I’m coming from now? Still think I’m over reacting? Okay well then let’s see if the author’s English skills get any better.

“a few of the male zombies of their shirt.” Why is shirt singular instead of plural? Zombies is plural and shirt is singular. Are all the zombies wearing just one shirt?

“…sealed the doors they hid in a crate.” So you sealed doors that were hid in a crate? Ohhh, you mean “… sealed the doors and THEN hid in a crate.”

Jan 19th Evening, Rachel plans to “Rescue the zombies being experimented on and separate the military.” Separate the military? Why? Are they not able to play well together? Are you going to separate them and send them to their rooms until they learned their lesson?

“Once morning,” should be “One morning.”

“But the car running…” This is totally a grammatical train wreck!

Jan 20th Afternoon, Rachael watches a bunch of soldiers. Let’s see how the author writes this. “A group of men got out and tried and surrounded the over turned Jeep.” They tried what? The new Coke Zero?

“None of us our travelling in the day.” Come on! Why can’t the author figure out the difference between “Are” and “Our”?

Jan 21st Morning “Once we find where the military is hauled up will make our plans to invade.” This sentence hurts my brain…

So the soldiers hear something out in the field around their camp and they turn on their search lights to look for the source of the noise, but apparently it’s no use because, “the search lights couldn’t penetrate the darkness.” Wait… a search light can’t penetrate the darkness? A SEARCH LIGHT can’t penetrate the DARKNESS. And I bet that water won’t extinguish fire either.

Okay so Rachel decides that it’s time to infiltrate the military encampment so she climbs up in a tree and waits for a military bus to pass by and she jumps on the roof. And the driver and every single soldier in the bus doesn’t hear her. Then her little side kick whose name I forget jumps on top too. And these people inside STILL don’t hear this! I know that these soldiers have been drinking but come on! Think back to a time when you’ve had too much to drink and you’re riding in a car/truck/bus/whatever. Have you EVER been so drunk you wouldn’t hear two 125lbs landing on the top of your vehicle?

Also throughout this story the main zombies of Rachel, Brittney, her pet, and Zelda keep eating people all the time.
Seriously, they strip entire bodies bare of everything except bones, yet if you look on the cover, the girls are still slender and the utter perfect picture representation of today’s modern Victoria’s Secret model. Where is all this meat going that they are eating? Are they excreting it out of their bodies? Are they taking nourishment from it? I don’t care which but just make up your mind!

“Zombie’s” is used like it’s the plural form of zombie. Just plain wrong!

“..wanting outside.” This should be “…waiting outside.”

“She tried to turn the wheel and us the clutch.” What the heck are you talking about? Do you mean USE the clutch?

“Zelda moaned victories.” She moaned the word “victories?” I think the author means “Victorious.” Does the author have just no concept of a proof reader what so ever?

“…keep the zombies under are will.” Again the author just can’t tell the difference between the words “our” and “are” Who ever told this author he could write well should seriously have their heads examined!

Jan 23rd Evening “With are firearms,” See what I mean!?!

Jan 28th Morning “I saw a group of zombies dangling from rope trap.” Where the heck is the word, “A” in that sentence?
“It was wound to tightly.” You mean to tell me that the author also doesn’t know the difference between the words “to” and “too”?

Also Rachel decides she’s going to get the zombies down that are being held up by the rope net trap so what does she do? Why she shoots the rope that is connecting the net to the tree with a shotgun. Why? It’s right at chest level with her and she has a knife with her that she took from a soldier a few days ago. Why doesn’t she use that instead of shooting off a shotgun multiple times which is just going to give away her position? Oh I guess in order for that to happen the author would have to understand concepts like continuity and tactics. Also, how do 18 zombies fit into one rope net trap? That’d be like saying that 18 people could fit into the rope net trap that trapped our heroes in Return of the Jedi.

“Once I pilled them all inside.” How do you pill someone inside something? Do you just throw pills at them? Ohhh, you mean you PILED them inside.

So if I’m understanding what I’m reading correctly, before the zombie apocalypse the main character, Rachael, is just an average girl. Yet somehow she has professional training as a stunt driver and a stunt woman. She apparently knows how to jump out a speeding jeep and survive completely unscathed except for a scrape on her shoulder.

But while in the jeep she finds “a case MRE.” Which should be written as “a case OF MRE’s.”

So the attack gets under way and our smart zombies that are able to shoot guns are shooting at the soldiers, but Rachel decides, “They were too far away to shoot at the Berreta.” Why would the soldiers be shooting at her pistol? Do you mean, “They were too far away to shoot at WITH the Berreta?”

Also, since when do guns shoot shells? Last time I checked they shoot bullets and the shells are ejected out of the chamber after the round is fired.

“Are numbers must have exceeded one hundred.” Oh god I can’t take much more of this! Oh well, it’s almost over.

So the military’s response to a single person shooting at them is to have every soldier just start firing their weapons around wildly? How about shooting at the person that’s shooting at you?

“Or stuck in the head,” should be written as “Or struck in the head.”

“Because we got their.” You mean to tell me that the author also doesn’t know the difference between “there” and “their”???

***END SPOILERS*** ***END SPOILERS*** ***END SPOILERS***

So like I said before, the author’s grasp of the English language is just AWFUL! You can’t go a single page without running into a grammatical error or a plot hole. And these are simple things that your average grade schooler should know, this isn’t complicated to understand!

Seriously! Whoever keeps telling this author he’s a good writer, please stop! These books are an abomination against the English language and the literary world as a whole!

Avoid this “book” like the plague!

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